I'm applying the tool titled 'Inner Authority' from The Tools to help me overcome the habit of self-criticism.
I suspect that much of my self-criticism stems from avoidance. And that avoidance is because my shadow is deeply afraid of being judged by others. It hurts my ego and something early in my childhood is still running the show. I suspect that my older brother was critical of my faults as a child. He had all the attention until I showed up. Further, he's exceptionally smart. I'm not. And I know that people who are brilliant can be frustrated as others lack the ability to keep up.
I have always suffered from a lack of self-confidence.
The work of Inner Authority is to turn your shadow into your partner. When you turn your shadow into your partner, it is no longer seen as an enemy. Your shadow actually becomes the source of your authentic self-expression.
It's about acknowledging the gifts rather than focusing on the faults. The more we appreciate all aspects of ourselves (especially the parts we hide), the more self-confident we become in being our authentic selves.
To live from your higher self or wiser self, you must be your whole self which includes embracing your shadow self.
How often do you find fault in yourself and others?
Don’t complain about your world. Take steps to make it better.
When you ask for help, you have nothing to lose.
If our request isn't honored, nothing is lost because you didn't have the help to begin with. It's only when we expect someone to help that we experience loss. And it's when we take it personally that the rejection lingers.
The big idea is to embrace what you once saw as an obstacle; the aspects of yourself you don't like (your shadow), and to become partners.
The tool was best understood around the concept of Writer's Block:
Writer's block happens when writers become more interested in the outcome of their efforts and lose sight of the process itself. An indication you're heading down this unproductive path is when you try to make your work perfect and are concerned about the opinions of others. Harsh self-criticism erupts.
Instead, remind yourself of the first time you did something. You had nothing to lose. Get back to that place.
The 3 steps:
Acknowledge your shadow.
Bond with it.
Project yourself with it. This is your true voice. We all have unique voices. Where we get tripped up is when we attempt to fit the mold of society. It's our fear of being judged by others. Our fear of looking bad. Our fear of not knowing (especially those of us who are Type 5s.)
The goal is no longer to seek approval of our peers (or society). But rather to express our unique selves freely, as we were design. Your flaws where never flaws, but just aspects of yourself that others didn't approve of.
When you don't need the approval of others, you have nothing to lose.
When you have nothing to lose, everything is a gain.
You never had their approval to begin with, so why did you think you had something to lose?
If you're your own worst critic, consider looking at the source of your discontent. It may stem from your tendency to be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser means we are placing our self-worth in the hands of others. I personally have this problem. It might stem from a deep-seated sense of trying to please my parents, classmates, and fear of being disliked and excluded.
It begins with noticing when the critic within us begins to emerge.
I failed to respond to a request. The critic beats me up for letting someone down.
I missed an opportunity. The critic beats you up for being irresponsible. What the critic is really is doing is just nudging you to follow-thru on something meaningful. Deciding what's important is the first step. If you always say yes, but need to say no, you're giving your critic an opening.
If you aren't committed to it, but aren't clearly decommitting yourself either, you are by default setting an expectation that is not likely to be met.
Authentic Voices
I'm also considering that my inability to honor the authentic voice of another has been a major hurdle in my life. If I don't agree with somebodies POV, or I sense that what they are saying is dishonest, I have a tendency to tune them out.
Strategies to overcome self-criticism
Criticism - whether directed at yourself or otherwise is toxic energy.
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