Personality Isn't Permanent
By Ben Hardy
A favor to your future self
The bold promise of Personality Isn't Permanent is to show you how to become who you want to be, regardless of who you’ve been.
It's to teach you everything you need to know about why we get stuck in unhealthy patterns (often defined by how we are labeled by trivial things like a personality test).
Strategies to realize your potential.
One of the main premises is that your past need not be your prologue. Ben seeks to show us that the most successful people in the world base their identity on an internal narrative on their future, not that of others (or their past).
Your comfort zone is where you think you want to be. But the truth is, if you are not where you want to be right now, you should be feeling anything but comfortable. Those who succeed expose themselves to new things... especially those that take them outside their comfort zone. The more you do it, the less 'uncomfortable' it feels.
This is a book about confidence. Fortune favors the brave. Some things I learned (and highlighted):
- Confidence is built through acts of courage and commitment.
- Confidence is built through acts of courage.
- Confidence determines the goals you set for yourself.
- You earn your confidence through intentional action toward meaningful goals.
- Your future confidence is based on who you are being now.
- You build confidence through small but consistent actions reflecting your future self.
- A confidence boosting “power move” is to take an aggressive action toward your future self.
I love the heavy emphasis placed on living from a space of 'your future self.' It's a subtle, but powerful shift that allows you to add more fuel to your passions and gives you permission to do what's best for you.
Fortune favors the brave and those who decisively make their own fate.
Do your future self a favor and read this book!
How to avoid being held back by the labels others put on you!
Ben Hardy has been writing on Medium for years. He's one of those rare 7-figure authors who made it through hard work and persistence.
What hooked me to study this book further:
"Despite the fact that my work and education have shown me that people can and do change, the biggest evidence of the ideas in this book is my own life. I’m not trying to be a guru on a stage. I’m an ordinary person experiencing a humbling and transformative life. I want to help you do the same—whatever that means or looks like for you."
This is a quick overview (TL;DR) of his latest book Personality Isn't Permanent. With my own notes and reflections.
The promise of Personality Isn't Permanent is to show you how to become who you want to be, regardless of who you’ve been. To teach you everything you need to know about why people get stuck in unhealthy patterns (often defined by how they are labeled by things like personality tests). It's all about giving you strategies to realize your potential.
One of the main premises is that Your Past Is Not Prologue.
The most successful people in the world base their identity on an internal narrative on their future, not that of others (or their past).
Don't believe for a second that who you've been is a life sentence. We are constantly evolving and I firmly believe go through growth spirts where we can even amaze ourselves.
Every single day, winners keep the faith to stick to their vision until the rest of us start to notice. Yes, you will face setbacks along the way and perhaps even some epic failures. But that's the source of confidence that's needed to get to the next level. "With each step forward, your confidence increases and your identity becomes more flexible and less constrained by what once was." (paraphrased)
To become someone your not, you need to be willing to get outside your comfort zone and structure your entire being around your most important goals. It reminds me of my favorite Brad Sugars quote:
It’s easy to choose success over failure, riches over poverty, any dream over the alternative. What’s hard to do is to re-choose the same goal, dream, and level of success every day, every single hour, until it becomes reality. While it’s easy to choose success and riches, it’s not easy to carry through with your thoughts every single hour of every day. The difference maker is choosing to be one of the most successful people you know, every hour of every day for the rest of your life! ~ Brad Sugars
Your comfort zone is where you think you want to be. But the truth is, if you are not where you want to be, you should be feeling anything but comfortable right now.
What false truths about your own personality have you bought into? Why are you limiting who you are today to how others saw you before today? Today's a new day!
Your personality is something you must decide and create for yourself. Personality is dynamic and malleable. When you understand how it works and the levers that move it, you become director of who you become. Think of it as You, the 2020 edition. And each year, there's a new edition.
Instead of letting your your past limit you, use it to create a new version of you. "We have the technology. Better than he was before." Remember the Six Million Dollar Man?
The Truth of Personality
Those who become successful constantly expose themselves to new things.
Decide for yourself the life you want to live, regardless of how different it is from your past or present. Become emotionally flexible (detached?) so your past no longer defines you.
The book has questions through out to help you see how to integrate the teachings. Such as:
What are you actually trying to accomplish in your life?
What do you want to do with this life you've been given? This moment of life is more valuable than you've realized before. You are alive, your brain is working, your awake. You all the time you need when you become clear on how you want to use your time.
Your Goals Shape Your Identity. Whether you realize it or not, everything you do has a purpose, or a goal, and these goals are what shape your identity. Living with intention begins by having an intention. And it begins right now in this moment.
As an 'idea' guy, I tend to think a lot about the potentials of the future and resent the past. I see the potential in everything, yet often fail to stay in the moment long enough to manifest those ideas.
We are living into our future's past. To create a past that you're proud to say you owned, step up and take charge of yourself.
Calling bull shit on yourself is about being totally honest with yourself. In order to break through to the next level, you may need to recognize that the only person holding you back is yourself.
My W³ - After you answer 'Why do I want this?', W³ moves you towards taking action:
- Who am I doing this for?
- What do I need to do?
- When will I do it?
The how will reveal itself in time.
How long can [fill in the blank] sustain my attention?
This is where a timer can help:
- Why are you engaging in this behavior?
- What is the purpose, reason, or end?
- What is the goal?
- How does this “goal” align with what you’re ultimately trying to do?
Your Future Self
Life becomes a lot less boring and repetitive when your future self becomes your daily mission, rather than avoiding uncertainty and change.
Embrace Uncertainty
Peak experiences often stem from the unexpected. No need to fear the change that lies ahed. Embrace uncertainty by stepping into uncomfortable situations and watch how quickly you grow into your future self.
"You need something, or better yet, someone to be working toward." That someone is your future self.
Until the future version of yourself becomes more compelling than your current self, you'll never change.
The future self is not who you are right now, it's who you have the potential to become. The truth is, your future self can't exist without you the current you, but it can become a better version if you are able to shift gears and level up.
“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” ~ Napoleon Hill
Become your own hero
"When I was fifteen years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say, “Who’s your hero?” And I said . . . “You know who it is? It’s me in ten years.” So I turned twenty-five. Ten years later, that same person comes to me and says, “So, are you a hero?” And I was like, “Not even close! No, no, no.” She said, “Why?” I said, “Because my hero’s me at thirty-five.” So you see, every day, every week, every month, and every year of my life, my hero’s always ten years away. I’m never gonna be my hero. I’m not gonna attain that. I know I’m not, and that’s just fine with me, because that keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing." ~ Matthew McConaughey."
I also write more about how Danica Patrick didn't have a role model, so she became one!
Transform Your Trauma
Trauma is at the core of who we are as people. If we transform it, we can become unstoppable in what we’re trying to accomplish. If we don’t transform our trauma, then our very lives become its byproduct.
Trauma destroys your confidence. People often have very limited goals due to unresolved trauma. When such is the case, then avoiding the painful emotions becomes the goal. Confidence is built through acts of courage.
Reframe your trauma to believe and live like everything in your life has happened for you, not to you.
On Confidence
- Confidence is built through acts of courage and commitment.
- Confidence is built through acts of courage.
- Confidence is key to the goals you set as a person.
- You earn your confidence through intentional action toward meaningful goals.
- your confidence is based on who you’ve recently been.
- You build confidence through small but consistent actions reflecting your future self.
- You build confidence through daring and bold power moves toward your future self (a “power move” is an aggressive action toward your future self).
On Deliberate Practice
Without viewing yourself in an imagined and different way, it’s actually not possible to engage in “deliberate practice.” Deliberate practice is purposeful and measured, not random and based merely on a “love of it.”
Deliberate practice is all about getting past your current limits by visualizing your future self free of those limits.
Successful people start with their future self and use it as the filter for everything they do.
Pick One Major Goal (Your Future Self Filter)
"To decide on your mission, simply look over all of your goals and then ask yourself: Which one of these goals would enable me to become the person I need to be to achieve everything else I want in my life. The answer to that question is your mission." — Hal Elrod
It's about giving yourself a single beacon to drive all action. It's your purpose for everything you do and most importantly, everything you don't do.
"One goal creates focus. Focus creates momentum. Momentum and confidence spill over into all other areas of your life."
One goal also gives your a deadline and deadlines drive action.
Who you're supposed to be
I love the lyrics to the song How Am I Ever Gonna Be Me? Lyrics. There is deep meaning hidden here.
How am I ever gonna be me if I'm not who I'm supposed to be?
But if you don't know who you're supposed to be, then how can you ever be that person?
A common thread here is that legends like Danica become so long before we saw them. She knew who she was supposed to be despite the world seeing her otherwise. Women were not supposed to win races.
Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. —Robert Brault
Commit, Track, and Adjust
As Pearson’s Law states, “When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates.”
A definite purpose, backed by absolute faith, is a form of wisdom and wisdom in action produces positive results. ~ Napoleon Hill
One Step Up, Two Steps Back
For those of us who are early risers (yours truly), evenings can be a dangerous time. It's when our willpower is at it's lowest and when it's too easy to slip into behaviors that are counterproductive to our future self. It's not likely the time of the day that you'll recall as time well spent, is it?
Ben recommends one simple remedy: go to bed sooner. "Going to bed one hour earlier than your norm is one of the fastest ways to becoming your future self." Sounds simple, right?
Taking this on: I know that writing is not only rewarding, but therapeutic as well. But grabbing my journal at 9pm when my energy is depleted doesn't work. Instead, I'm going to try setting up my wind down ritual to began with writing at 7pm (instead of turning on the TV). But this will also require that I get quality time in with my wife after dinner and before I begin to write.
Journal with Intention
"Before you begin writing, review your goals. They should be written somewhere easily accessible. Reviewing your goals before writing in your journal triggers the mindset and circumstances of your future self, so that when you begin writing in your journal, you’re writing as your future self, from their vantage point and perspective. My own goals are written on the inside cover of my journal, so that every time I open it, all I need to do is look at that inside cover."
Wired for Success
Are you predisposed to achieve or fail? If you look at your past failures (which tend to weigh heavier than our accomplishments), you may be unknowingly predisposing yourself towards failure.
One who is 'by nature' predisposed to success will not have to work as hard to make the choices necessary to become someone else (as it's in his nature to do so). On the other hand, those predisposed to fail must work much harder to succeed in overcoming who he is to become who he can be. You might say that a person is only given challenges he/she is able to take on.
Shift Your Story
As you begin acting as your future self, you will eventually become that future self. Your personality will adapt itself to your goals, and you’ll have the characteristics, attributes, and circumstances you want.
You must make your future self the new standard for your actions today. To set yourself to become the vision of your future self, you may need to let go of current opportunities to make space for the opportunities more aligned with your future self.
It takes confidence. It takes faith. It takes a willingness to disappoint others.
Your future self becomes the standard by which you act today.
If your income is not where it's needs to be, are you willing to double your fee?
For example, if you were a public speaker and your speaking fee was $5,000, raise your speaking fee to $15,000 and say no if someone won’t pay it. Prefer being rejected at your new standard than being accepted at your old one.
Become confident enough to define your own life’s purpose. Create a network of “empathetic witnesses” who actively encourage you to continue moving forward through your highs and lows.
We are kept from our goal not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal. ~ Robert Brault
It is not the obstacles between ourselves and our dreams that stop us. Rather, we are stopped by our commitment to the idea—to the identity—that we can never actually achieve our goals. That we don’t have what it takes. Instead of committing to what we truly want, we commit our time and attention to lesser goals.
(our comfort zones can be the path of least resistance).
We want to make our decisions and commitments while in a peak and heightened state—where our faith and expectations are high. We should never compromise for a lesser version future self!
(this is why having a coach - someone who sees your potential is so helpful).
Enhance Your Subconscious
Enhance your subconscious to overcome addictions and limiting patterns.
Redesign Your Environment
Redesign your environment pull you toward your future, rather than keep you stuck in the past.