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"All war belongs on paper."
"The mind projects the whole world."
"Once you get rid of all the stressful thoughts, there's so much energy."
There is reality, and then there is the movie your mind projects about that reality.
Our view of reality is tainted by our past experiences, our unconscious thoughts (most of which were defined by circumstances beyond our control). These are embedded in the false identity built up by our ego.
I am a middle child. As such, my own experience of reality is quite different than others. I had to always fight for attention as middle borns have to overcome the fact they are the average child. They are not the first born, nor the last born. The first born gets the parents greatest effort. The last born gets the benefits of experience and favored status being it's their last child. Think of how much more you appreciate the last of anything. The first leaves the lasting impression because it was the first experience in every way as parents. By the time the second shows up, nothing is new.
I had to always work harder to make an impression. I never wanted anyone to be left out because I knew too painfully how that felt.
I have desperately worked so hard my entire life to avoid disappointing others. In a narcissistic fashion, I berate myself for failing to do more for others, do more for myself, and in general keep a sense I ought to be doing more with my life. The payoff of this is the reinforcing the illusion that I am a disappointment. I am not sure why this is.
When I do something good for myself, I can easily feel guilt and fall into a feeling of selfishness.
I always had brothers. I was never a only child. From the moment I was ever given anything, I was reminded that it was not mine and I needed to share it.
Today, I cherish my independence. I relish the quiet moments where it is just me. For a short time, I can experience being the only one. I think this why I get so much from meditation.
An inhibitor to success?
Imagine always having a brother. You can't gloat or be the only one. When you do, you're reminded - it's not nice to gloat. You have a brothers feelings to consider.
Katie had an awakening when she realized she had permission to walk over to the movie projector and pull the plug. "There are two ways to live your life, one is stressed-out, the other is not. One hurts, one doesn't. Either way, you're living it. Look, if you're having a nightmare, don't you want to wake up? That's what I'm inviting people to do—wake up to reality."
All the suffering that goes on inside our minds is not reality, says Byron Katie. It's just a story we torture ourselves with.
She teaches people to ask 4 questions to free ourselves from the thoughts that make us suffer. "All war begins on paper," she explains.
Keeping in mind your stressful thoughts, ask yourself these questions:
This question can change your life. Be still and ask yourself if the thought you wrote down is true.
This is another opportunity to open your mind and to go deeper into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what we think we know.
With this question, you begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the thought, there is a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic. What do you feel? How do you treat the person (or the situation) you've written about, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought? Make a list, and be specific.
Imagine yourself in the presence of that person (or in that situation), without believing the thought. How would your life be different if you didn't have the ability to even think the stressful thought? How would you feel? Which do you prefer—life with or without the thought? Which feels kinder, more peaceful?
The "turnaround" gives you an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you believe. Once you have found one or more turnarounds to your original statement, you are invited to find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true in your life.
I am not the victim of my circumstances. On a global leve, we are all middle children because when we showed up, others were already here. The fact is, being born as a middle child prepared me much better for the world. A world filled with others. By the time I showed up, my parents had experience. In fact, my entire life has been a blessing because I had wisdom in my DNA the day I was born.
Although I cherish my independence, I have discovered how important it is to include others and allow them to contribute. I've limited myself as a 'solo'preneuer. While I cherish the independence, the mark left of the world is much smaller. An army of one won't win wars.