About

Mel's latest book explores a "Let Them" approach to regaining control and peace in a world filled with uncertainty. It empowers individuals to focus on what they can control and to release what they cannot.

Big Picture

The "Let Them" philosophy stems from a simple yet profound idea: recognizing the difference between what is within our control and what isn't can reduce stress and increase inner peace. By focusing on personal power—specifically our thoughts, actions, and responses—we can regain a sense of balance in chaotic times. This approach has roots in timeless philosophies, such as Stoicism and Buddhism, yet applies them in modern-day challenges, allowing individuals to navigate life with confidence and clarity.

Tactics

• Practice Saying “Let Them”: When feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, remind yourself to let go of trying to control external situations or people. This helps create emotional distance and calm.
• Introduce “Let Me”: Use this as a tool for self-reminder that your actions, thoughts, and reactions are within your control, which brings back personal power.
• Protect Your Energy: Set boundaries by not taking on others' emotional burdens. Saying “Let Them” is a way of preserving your energy and time for what matters to you.
• Learn from Other Philosophies: Explore Stoicism, Buddhism, and practices like Radical Acceptance for deeper insights into detachment and control.
• Create a Reminder System: Place physical or digital reminders (like notes or alarms) to prompt you to pause and use these phrases when needed throughout your day.

  31 Sessions by Mel Robbins

  31 Sessions Playlist

  # Session 1: Welcome message
  # Session 2: Are you still complaining about yesterday's assignment?
  ## My Notes ## Day 1 - 24 hours without complaining

• Permanent problems vs. temporary problems.

• Day 1 - Complaining is draining

• Go 24 hours without complaining. It's easy to to stop complaining on a silent retreat, because there's no one to complain to! Maybe this is why you start to feel better about life...?

• Switching Gears: Solving a problem requires a different gear than the problem.

• Focus on the solution, not the problem.

• Don't focus on the complaints in your life, focus on the gratitude.

• Don't focus on what's wrong. Focus on what's right. When you start complaining countdown from 5 and shift your thinking towards something good in your life. Focus on the areas you have momentum. Taking it a step further, write down where you have momentum and lean into those areas more.

  The size of the problem you take on will determine the results that you will get and the rewards that follow. He mentions super achievers like Elon Musk and Richard Branson, and how they are taking on bigger problems. Day 1 challenge:

• 24 hours without complaining

• Use the 5 second rule when a complaint begins to arise: 54321-GO and shift to something instead you are grateful for. Gratitude for:

• My Macbook and access to internet

• Mel Robbins & the 5 second rule

• That I brought headphones today

• For the great coffee I'm drinking and the coffee maker to make it (and the water, filter, etc...)

  Pen vs. Pencil (inspired writing)

  Pen: You can't control what happens to you Pencil: You can control how you react to it. Pen: You're feelings Pencil: How you respond to those feelings <Observe: She gives away free content to increase the odds of more readers using the #5SecondRule hashtag. Can you grow your own hashtag to promote your brand, book, or idea?>

  Day 2 - Parenting Yourself

  Self-parenting Get into the mindset your parents are gone and **NOBODY** is going to tell you what you need to do. Only you. More often than not, taking the action that needs to be taken demands that you demand more from yourself... like a GOOD parent would hold you accountable! Default decisions are based on feelings. Your wiser self is your parent. You'll never feel like doing the things you need to do to get what you want. Nobody else is coming. It's up to you. You've got to parent yourself to make your dreams come true. You are always going to need to get yourself a push. This never changes. Bonus: [Celebrating the holidays when you're alone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxGE_1BIL-Y&feature=youtu.be) ## [Day 3](https://courses.melrobbins.com/p/31-sessions-objectivity) - Better Decisions and Objectivity What would your mentor do? What advice would you give to someone you love? "Lebron James needs to do whats best for Lebron James." "[you] needs to do what's best for [you]." The power of objectivity. Researchers have discovered that when you think about someone else’s problems, you make much better decisions than when you think about your own. When you think from someone else’s perspective, you're less emotional, which helps you to make better decisions. You also consider more outcomes and perspectives. Remember what LeBron James said: you need to do what’s best for you. P.S. Today, I'm thinking about what's best for Mel. As Mel's best friend, what do I think that she most needs? I think I should tell Mel to get to yoga class. What about you? What's best for YOU today? What objective advice can you give to yourself? ## [Day 4 - Problems](https://courses.melrobbins.com/31-sessions-perm-vs-fixed-problem) Session 4: What If Your Problems Weren’t Actually Problems? There are times when you must accept things go and stop complaining. Ask: Is this a temporary problem or a permanent problem? Permanent problems can't be changed. Why fret about it? examples:

• Time (why waste time complaining about not enough time. Do you see the irony in that?)

• Your Age

• Your past

• Your family

• The personalities of others Q. How many of my goals in the past years have been an attempt to solve permanent problems I have not control over? Things like:

• Time Management (you can't manage time)

• My weight (what if I'm already at my ideal weight and my opinion of my image is skewed by others)

• Money... ah, here's the question. Ask:

  Day 5 - Overwhelm

  The water picture and cup analogy. Kinda like FVP !

  Day 6 - Attention Economy

  The new Attention Economy begs the question, is your time online being spent to improve your life and make you more money, OR is your time online making you used by others? Think about who is making money each time you click, each time you scroll. This is a great lesson. Ask: Are You Using Technology or Is It Using You? Her challenge today is to note where your attention goes when you jump online, are your attention being exploited? Day's challenge: BE MINDFUL IN YOUR USE OF TECHNOLOGY. How is technology improving my life? Don't become a servant to it. I was stuck the last night in New Orleans when walked into Lilly's Cafe and every single person in the restaurant (even the people who worked there) had their heads down on their phones. Their attention was not in the room, it was online. I can see why there is so much money being spent online.

  Day 7 - Your Cell Phone is Heroin

  You’ve Got A Slot Machine In Your Pocket… Read More

  Day 9 - Micro-Mindfulness

  

  Day 10 - The Law of Reciprocity

  Aka 'The Taylor Swift' lesson.

  Temporary Problems

  You may hate your body, but you change it. You may complain about your lack of finances, but you change it.

  Take Action

1. Make a list of everything you complain about (the temporary problems).

2. For each item, ask the question "What can I do to change the problem?" When you change your own behaviors, you'll change everything else. Frustrated with life? The change what you can in life - and that's how you act in it.

   Day - 10 - Becoming a Fan

   This is the call to action to make a video thanking someone like her son did!

   Day 11 - Stop Saying Sorry

   There’s one thing that you can start doing right now to increase the amount of confidence that you project to the world. It’s losing the filler words. Words like “um,” “I think,” and most importantly, “I’m sorry.” It’s a habit that many of us adopt as teenagers. We also don’t really realize how much reflexively saying “I’m sorry” impacts our confidence and influence. I certainly didn’t realize how much I said “I’m sorry” until I made a concerted effort to stop this habit. Today's video will teach you how to break the "sorry" habit. Simple, but not easy. Today, catch yourself and be more intentional and powerful with the words you use.

   Day 12 - Worry and Self-Doubt: Breaking the Habits

   Today's video might just be one of the most important that you'll watch. In Chapter 12 of "The 5 Second Rule," you can read about the researchers at Cornell University who conducted the remarkable "Legacy Project." This team of researchers interviewed thousands of people near the end of their lives in order to find out how the rest of us might better enjoy ours. Turns out, when you ask thousands of senior citizens this simple question, What do you regret when you look back over your life? You get a very consistent and sobering answer. It's the advice we all need to heed. Learn exactly what they said and how you can apply these lessons to your own life in today's session. Today, catch yourself when your mind drifts to worry and redirect your thoughts to something that makes you feel powerful and happy. The life you improve will be your own.

   Day 13 - How to Build the Skill of Optimism

   Mel's recommended reading Believe it or not, researchers believe that 75% of your success is predicted by 3 skills: living with optimism, cultivating social connections, and effectively dealing with stress. One of these skills, in particular, is incredibly important: the skill of optimism. Optimism is holding the belief that something good will happen, even when it doesn't feel like it will. Mel explains a little Jedi mind trick you can use to turn yourself into someone with an optimistic attitude, no matter what may be hitting the fan around you. Assuming good intent is simple and definitely not easy. When I started thinking this way, what surprised me the most was how often I was assuming lousy intent. Discovering this mental switch has been liberating emotionally and has made me into a much more optimistic person and a more effective negotiator. Try it today, for the entire day, and let me know how it goes.

   Day 14 - Uncomfortable Conversations

   Day 16 - Buffering

   How the Simple Act of Buffering Will Revolutionize Your Work Day. Love the reference to computers! How a computer buffers video:

   In computer science, a data buffer (or just buffer) is a region of a physical memory storage used to temporarily store data while it is being moved from one place to another.

3. When you list out your top 3 priorities for the day and you estimate the time required, add 50%. Account time for the buffering to occur!

4. Create buffer time after 'events' - whether are meetings or anything else (like watching these videos). You need 5 minutes for every 15 minutes of 'event' time to account for the time to process what occurred. Think about how true this is! It's like when I carve out an hour to write. If I don't carve out time to edit, I've got nothing to show for it! 30 minute event requires a 10 min. of buffer!

5. Create a buffer (distance) between you and the people who 'deplete you'. Do I 'complete you' or 'deplete you' ?

6. Can you make one decision today that will save you from having to make 10 decisions in the future?

7. Reevaluate your commitments. Make a list. What projects are to truly committed to and which ones can you let go of? This is key if you are overcommitting yourself to too many things (people, projects, etc..).

   Day 17 - Google's Secret to a Successful Team

   Day 18 - The Connection Between Stress & Friendship

   Stress Release: Don't isolate yourself! In moments of stress and overwhelm, you need to make time with friends. Stressed out? Seek out time with friends. Seeing friends is the key to success. It helps you deal with stress. We need our friends.

   Action: Go through your list of 150 and note your friends on the list. Note the ones you can call in times of stress. People with tight social connections handle stress best. Isolation is easy. Community is the key. Get your POD together! IF you are stressed out, you need more connection with others. Mel's CTA (call-to-action): Write down 3 people who when you are with them, you feel energized. You're excited when you make plans with them. Reach out to them and plan something. Create an event. A lunch, a hike. Even if you are not stressed out, she makes the point that one of the 3 people you reach out to need you. People are stressed out today more than ever. This is why I thought churches were gonna make a resurgence after trump was elected. Then she asks you to post a selfie with the #5secondrule hashtag.

   Day 20 - Success is a numbers game

   It seems SO freakin' perfect that I watched this the day I hit my 20,000 hours to go milestone!

   Day 19 - The Art of Savoring

   Day 21 - How to Handle Anxiety and Panic

   Day 22 - The Passion Gauge

   Start by making a hate list. What do you hate to do?

   Day 23 - The 5x5x5 Technique

   What do you do when you can't let something go? Ask yourself: Is [INSERT ISSUE] that I'm upset right now going to matter 5 minutes from now? In 5 days from now? 5 years from now? This can be used to get you past the things that you are nervous about. Don't overthink it! Just do it! The likelihood of you regretting something you did is far less likely than the likelihood of regretting something you didn't do.

   Bonus: You don't have problems, you have habits

   ## [Day 24](https://courses.melrobbins.com/p/31-sessions-self-worth) - A New Way To Look at Self Worth **The past has no bearing on the value of money.** It doesn't matter what's happened. You still and always will have the same self worth as a human being. ## More Resources

• Check out Mel's 13-page Best Year Ever workbook.
• https://www.facebook.com/groups/BestMonthEverChallenge

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