Why is the vast majority of self-help literature ineffective?
Discussed in the book Blindspot, blue lies are answers we give that we believe are more truthful that the truth.
What are some examples of being more truthful than than the truth?
I am the type of person who puts the needs of others before my own, who does what's asked of them, who meets deadlines, and doesn't overspend, overeat, or sits on the couch watching TV for hours.
I've had the opportunity to work directly with many of the authors of the self-help books many of you may have read. As someone who has worked with the authors - how they live is not always an accurate reflection of the image they conjure up in the books they write.
It's far easier to tell you to do what ought to be done that actually do it. Granted, the more you teach others, the more likely you are to assimilate the lessons into your own life. So there's definitely value it for the author. But as readers, speaking from personal experience, I've found over the years that self-help books have tended to make me feel worse about myself.
The books reinforce a deficiency in my own life. My lack of discipline, my lack of success in relation to the success of the author (and whomever else they may refer to).
Lying to ourselves.
Blindspot goes on to discuss the idea of impression management which essentially is how we lie to make a more favorable impression on others.
I remember they day I once walked into a yoga studio and the owner immediately proclaimed 'its obvious you've been doing yoga for a long time.' Her flattery made me an instant fan, until I realized the inauthenticity that was more accurate to a true character.
The online personas of most people are heavily biased towards impression management. Ever notice how few people ever share anything on Facebook but the most favorable aspects of their identity? I'd prefer to see more honesty. While the media tends to jump on our hero's shortcomings, I'm happy to see the humanity of it.
When you get to know some of these super successful people, you find that they impression management is a big deal for them. But here's the rub. The more favorable you appear to others, the harder it is to maintain that favor in light of what most of real life is, which is to say, unfavorable.
Blindspot goes on to explain that surveys are inherently flawed because of the bias toward the favorable impression of ourselves we feel the need to portray to others. This is especially true of people pleasers like myself.
The question I now ask is...
If I reveal my defects, will I disappoint others? The bigger question might be "when I disappoint others, why do I feel guilty?"
Defects are part of the program. The program is prone to produce errors. It's not until the error occurs that the error is revealed. The only true error is failing to see when the error occurs.