Listen to the same song I listened to when I wrote this.
I ran out of the house with my lounge wear. No time to change since the pharmacy was closing in 15 minutes and my wife needed her medication. Sweats and slippers.
Then it hit me. I never left home.
Life begins in the womb. For nine months, our home is wherever our mother takes us. We are passengers, yet our home is a small room in the womb. Birth expands our home into a bigger world. The longer we live, The further we venture out.
Do trust fund babies ever leave home? As long as they remained tethered to the financial womb of their parents, the must live within those boundaries.
Homeless or house guests?
Living in a town of 10,000 - I feel at home. I recognize
Do you feel safe at home? It's when we feel unsafe that we begin to draw boundaries of home.
Wealthy people build fences to keep what's bad outside out.
Our house is a room in a home called earth.
Your beliefs are how you define words. The words that follow assume the word 'home' conjures a favorable emotion. In fact, it was not until recently that I realized just how blessed I was to be raised in a safe home.
A few years ago, I struggled to transitioning to our new physical location on the central coast. Few could empathize with someone complaining about living in paradise. But the grief I was feeling was real. While my new residence was in California, my heart was still in Colorado.
Consider that whenever we go somewhere unknown, we consult a map to get there. Unless we know where we are, we can't get from point A to point B.
Once we've been there once, we know where it is. Often never need to consult the map again, until we need to explain to someone else (or we forget).
As we move through life, we experience events is space and time. Every experience literally could be drawn on a map. The more experiences we have, the larger the map. The further we travel from 'home' or 'work,' the larger our reality becomes.
We see and experience things we don't understand. Our level of understanding is relative to the map we have to navigate getting there.
Often, we'll find ourselves in an unfamiliar place.
Picture this...
You are blindfolded and dropped off 100 miles from home. How would you find your way back home? You'd most likely ask for help. But for someone to point you in the right direction, they'd also need to know where you live.
If I were graphically map everything you knew and everywhere you've been, it would be an exponentially expanding as you gain more knowledge and visit more places.
I was getting into conversations with others of how dysfunctional California was. How unfair the taxes where, how bad the traffic was, and how expensive everything from gas to housing was. I rarely recall anyone in my prior home state (Colorado) complaining about much beyond the weather. I began to believe many of the reasons we had originally left California not only still existed, but had actually gotten worse. I felt so naive.
Indeed, people in most parts of California do pay a premium to live in a state that provides relief from the extreme weather most other parts of the country endure for much of the year. Where I live, the year round average temperature doesn't require a wardrobe change.
Where we are is why my perspective has changed.
It's easy to take shots at California. We have to contend with problems that come with handling a large population - much of which has become dependent on the state providing.
However if we consider that California is our home and we are all one family, wouldn't we feel compelled to take care of both our home and our family?
Moving to California was like moving into a more expensive neighborhood. Once with a hefty HOA. At the time - we could afford it. Sometimes however it feels like a burden and with that burden comes the requirement to work harder.
To some extent however, the need to work harder to live here is something the move to Colorado spoiled me with.
When I was here, working hard - all the time - was the norm. I didn't know any different.
What you just read above is an example of implicit social cognition. Our perspective is based on past experiences and unmet desires.
From a young age, the experiences of growing up in a family with 3 brothers created a need for independence. While I sometimes envy those who live with the simplicity of an 8-5 job - one that usually is contained within the walls of work, I know that it's not an environment I thrived in. Sitting at a desk for 8+ hours/day, working with the same people 5 days/week was torture. I never participated in office politics and as a result felt I was often passed up for promotions as I watched others take credit for work I had done.
It wasn't until I finally stepped out from under the confines of employment, that I felt free. Granted, like many, I worked for some dysfunctional companies and poor bosses over the years. But what I do know is that over the past 10 years, I've grown more as a human being that the prior 30 years combined.
I am a more complete person and I feel more resilient to deal with whatever comes next. Life is a challenge, but I feel more equipped to handle it.
Bias:
My home is my current address.
Reality:
Your home is where you reside, every minute of every day. Your address is nothing more than an temporary identifier. A location on a map where your mail is sent. Like an IP address, it's the point where you login from.
Reprogramming:
You are the interface to every experience. When you step out of the four walls of your home address, your IP address changes.
Did you know that when you conduct a search on Google, your results are tailored to the location you initiate your search from? The results you get are biased based on where you are searching from.
Imagine every thought that arises is like the list of search results in Google. The difference is that Google reflects a collective wisdom of billions of points of information. We on the other hand are left with the results of our limited personal experience.
If I tell you the word 'car' - it's like inputting the word car into google. The thoughts that follow are unique to you, based on your own 'metadata.'
The profit of companies like Amazon is based on the search results.
Knowledge is only a small part of the equation.
The knowledge we retain is the knowledge we apply.
We depend that knowledge when we teach what we know to others.
I recently went through a 9-week financial 'university' offered by Dave Ramsey (which I'd highly recommend to anyone, especially younger people). My wife and I discussed that if we had known then what we know now, we'd had made different choices. But given our choices are based on implicit bias, which is largely outside our conscious control. In hind site, we'll always determine that we would have made different choices. Those who look back on life and say they wouldn't have changed a thing understand this. They know that regret is wasted energy. Yes, knowing what we know now, we can always find ways to improve upon our life, but unless you are Merlin, you live life going forward, not backward.
In reality, the truth is that given every experience up to now, anyone in our shoes would have made the exact same choices we had. You can't say otherwise unless you have had the exact same experiences every moment of your life.
The search results are based on the circumstances and BOTH the knowledge you can recall and experiences as you remember them. In most cases, our data set is both limited and flawed.
What we need is a process, similar to how google produce search results. Like Google, we need an algorithm. The better our algorithm, the better our results.
The key to finding what you need quickly on Amazon is knowing how to search for it. Picking the right words and quickly assimilating the results.
The power of google is to give serve knowledge to us when we need it.
What are you searching for?
For many of us, a large part of our lives are spent determing what's worth searching for. I think prior generations had it easier because they fewer choices. My dad became a lawyer and was happy with that decision. Our careers were defined by our needs.
But what about when all your needs are met? Then what?
I contend that often the best decision is no decision. With so many choices available, how can we ever be satisfied with the decision we make?
Considerable evidence supports the view that social behavior often operates in an implicit or unconscious fashion. The identifying feature of implicit cognition is that past experience influences judgment in a fashion not introspectively known by the actor. The present conclusion--that attitudes, self-esteem, and stereotypes have important implicit modes of operation--extends both the construct validity and predictive usefulness of these major theoretical constructs of social psychology. Methodologically, this review calls for increased use of indirect measures--which are imperative in studies of implicit cognition. The theorized ordinariness of implicit stereotyping is consistent with recent findings of discrimination by people who explicitly disavow prejudice. The finding that implicit cognitive effects are often reduced by focusing judges' attention on their judgment task provides a basis for evaluating applications (such as affirmative action) aimed at reducing such unintended discrimination.
I still recall however the words of encouragement from a mentor who told me that might circle would widen with our move to California.
Now I know what she meant. I still have a connection with those where I lived, but have grown my family with those where I live today.
My family has indeed grown and I wake up everyday with more gratitude than the day before. Is there any better way to live than with greater gratitude everyday. My definition of enlightenment would be to live every moment of every day awestruck at the blessings my life provides.
Perhaps redefining home is the model that does it. Imagine if you could travel 1000 miles from home, yet feel at home. Imagine if you could be yourself no matter who you were with. Imagine if you treated everyone as family, and there was a mutual respect and admiration for everyone you met.
Sidebar: Ever since I went to Disneyland for my birthday, I thought the world would be a much better place if everyone wore name tags. If you've never been, you owe it to yourself. They give you a special happy birthday button with your name on it. Every employee is required to greet you with happy birthday (followed by your name because it's on your button) when they see you. I probably had 50 people wish my happy birthday that day.
The closeness of living in a small town of 10,000 people is that you become familiar with everyone you meet and it doesn't take long to find a connection to everyone. I don't think seven degrees of separation even exists. It's more like two or three at most.
If we are blessed with a fortunate home, one which is safe, we find peace at home. If it's unsafe, we seek peace outside of our home. Perhaps at the library, coffee shop, or yoga studio.
You are always home.
The shift I made was that home was wherever I was. My center of my being is home. While physically my location be it Hawaii, my house, or my office may change, home is never far.
When I forget where I am, I simply close my eyes and return home.
What to work from home? You never left.
Perhaps from a very young age, we are conditioned to believe that home is the extent of the house and neighborhood where we lived. Remember Little House on the Prarie? It was when Pa left home that the tragedy struck. These made for good television, but instilled a belief that the outside world was not a safe place. You don't have to look far to see evidence. The media makes it's living from spreading unfortunate news.
In the context of a home, bad things do happen. I'm not saying a pollyanna view of life is the answer.
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will."
As it chanced, Pollyanna had never before seen the inside of Dr. Chilton's office. "I've never been to your home before! This IS your home, isn't it?" she said, looking interestedly about her. The doctor smiled a little sadly. "Yes, such as 'tis," he answered, "but it's a pretty poor apology for a home, Pollyanna. They're just rooms, that's all, not a home." Pollyanna nodded her head wisely. Her eyes glowed with sympathetic understanding. "I know. It takes a woman's hand and heart, or a child's presence to make a home," she said.
Home is where you can be yourself. Those I admire most are authentically themselves in public. For them, home is the world.
Where are we at our best?
Ever dream about how you would make your world if money was no object? For me, I'd have a patio view of the ocean, a hill top home with views of the sunrise AND sunset. I'd have a personal yoga studio, movie theater, and of course a tiki bar. I'd have my favorite musicians put on a house concert every night of the week. I'd be surrounded by my favorite people - my family & friends.
However, when I redefine my home as the entire world, I already have these rooms. I can visit the cafe by my house, and find friends.
If you go back far enough in time, we are all related. We are all one big family. When you see everyone you meet as family, you'd be a bit more tolerant of the imperfections, and they of yours.
Are home invasions one of the most feared scenarios for us?
Tip: If you want a low cost form of home invasion insurance, get a Skybell that records the faces of everyone who enters your home. Would be attackers might think twice knowing their mug shot has already been recorded.
Meditation is like taking a seat in my favorite room.
When we lock our front door or keep screens on our windows - we are simply making an effort to keep out uninvited guests. If someone (or something) really wants to get in, there's nothing to keep them out.
Fear is a illusion.
My wife is constantly vigilant towards intruders. At a young age, someone broke into her home and stole her jewelry. She had felt her home had been violated. Someone had ventured into a sacred space.
I try to live by saying "If it's lost, broken, or stolen - it was time to let it go." I won't discount the sense of loss that people experience when something they value is taken from them.
Life insurance
Dave Ramsey says that we need insurance to protect the big stuff. Things we can't afford to replace. I began to think about the value of a life and the amount of life insurance we pay for. Most of us don't want our loved ones to be saddled with financial hardship after we are gone. But you can't buy insurance for emotional hardship, or can you?
Meditation, yoga, writing, and music are elements of what I consider my emotional insurance. For you, it's likely something else. Like my wife, perhaps the people in your life are your emotional insurance. I know she has always been there for her friends, and I know they'll be there for her and I feel at peace knowing she has emotional insurance with her friends. If the time comes and I can't be there for her, I know they will.
Sidebar: I really love the title of the dave ramsey program: Financial Peace Univeristy. It's an education I wish I had (and could have appreciated) at a much younger age.
We lock our front door
I have my own personal yoga studio in my house. How big is my house?
My home extends beyond the 4 walls of my house.
I have my own personal yoga teachers, I just allow others to join us.
The world can feel like home... why stop in San Luis Obispo. This i
Wherever you are is home. Unwanted guests.
Going deep in mediation - beyond this dimension.
Being at home whereever you are.
The world is not a scary place.
We are all one big family. There's nothing to envy. You can't OWN anything.
I see the beauty in imperfection. I revel when my heros scars are revealed. I see the beauty in the imperfections of everyone I meet. It's the source of When our heros scars are reveal
https://computer.howstuffworks.com/internet/basics/google1.htm
https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/08/05/a-guide-for-the-perplexed-schumacher/