Read It's your life, what are you going to do with it? by Anthony Grant Every single choice we make precludes another. EVERYTHING is related. Let go of regret. We don't have to be 100% committed - 51% will do. Remember, one step precedes the next, and the next, and the next. You are on your way now! All decisions have a price. Be willing to pay the price.
All you need to do is try to stick with a decision that you were reluctant to make. You'll be surprised at what you can do. Remember. When you do something new, something difficult, outside your comfort zone - you are rewarded with epinephrine and dopamine. The bigger the challenge, the higher the levels of both! It's all about action in the right direction! Hell, any direction but backwards! The more you see the costs of staying the same, the less you'll be stuck in indecision... and indecision sucks! Embrace your feelings to change. We were meant to change. Always welcome change. Never stay the same. Remember - this is a good problem to solve. This is a solution that will change lives (beginning with your own).
3. The price of NOT changing
Motivation comes first. Momentum in motivation occurs when discipline is called on. It's a cumulative stack, and it all begins with realizing your STUCK. The regret of not changing is greater than the pain of pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. Remember to embrace the withdraw, embrace the desire to return where you are. It's a indication you are moving in the right direction. Action is what brings relief. Just take action away from your past towards your future. The present is all there is, and the present doesn't include the past - the past only exists as memories - it's no longer real. The only thing that is real is right now. Feed on the relief of taking action to continue the momentum... The momentum increase motivation, and it'll get easier and easier. The consequences of NOT changing are worse than whatever you have to go through to get to the new place. Hell, you need to embrace the uncertainty of the new place. There's pleasure in uncertainty - far more pleasure than predictability. Remember the rule of 30 minutes. When something triggers a response - an emotional one - you will be free within 30 minutes - so just vow to hang on for at least 30 minutes. Start a stop watch and trust me on this. The longest you might endure (rarely) will be 24 hours. But after 24 hours, you are completely new again, all the remanence of your past will be gone and you are reborn every 24 hours (trust me on this). Maybe it's a reboot of the mind every 24 hours that gives us the abilty to be somone else. Somedays we'll be rockstars, others we'll be mere mortals. Do you TRULY realize the price of not changing? The pain you will cause others - and yourself! The embarrassment of your lies being exposed? It's your ego that defends till the death, its your ego that doesn't want your true self to be revealed. It's the persona that the ego is trying to protect - move past it! Play it out. There are consequences of your actions... remember every action precedes another and they are all related. Join a group that will hold you accountable.
4. Run toward, not away from
important chapter You must have a BIG why. The why is the root of your motivation, and remind yourself of it daily so you don't forget why you are willing to suffer, willing the withstand the withdraw, the draw to retreat back to a place of weakness. You need something positive to keep pushing you forward. The short term motivation of avoiding something painful must eventually (sooner than later) be replaced with motivation to move towards pleasure. It comes back to creation (one of our 3 purposes: Create, Love, and Play). When you are running away from a bad habit, you are actually reinforcing the negative image. It's how you have to manipulate your own brain. Don't bring up the image of the past, rather conjure up an image of the future - the future tied to the big why. The more emotionally tied you are to the pleasure of the imagery you are moving towards, the stronger the motivation to persist. Rewrite your desire to quit something into a desire to create something new. Something better. Something different. Something you know will make you the happiest you've ever been in your life. Shouldn't each day be happier than the last? Can't we make a bigger impact, contribution everyday?? YES WE CAN. Examples: Away: Nicotine dependency Toward: Healthier, longer life, less dependency, more control, living your truth, being authentic. Away: Lose weight Toward: Better physique, higher self confidence Away: My job sucks Toward: New opportunities, bigger paychecks Away: Disorganized Toward: A sense of order, control, and peace Away: Less Stress. More Worry Toward: More relaxed, BETTER SLEEP, peace of mind Away: More Debt and a Loss of control Toward: Freedom, pride, control Away: Fear Toward: Courage
5. The gap between where you are and where you want to be is a good thing
Space = tension for creation. The tension between where are (ever changing) and where you want to be (constant) is the key - the laws of physics state that energy will move along the path of least resistance. The constant change (where you are) is resistance. The constant (where you want to be) is less resistant. The key to getting to where you want to be is to really want it bad enough and then take action to the next point of least resistance. Put out what you want, tell yourself the truth about where you are, and get into action. Follow the path of least resistance. Read The Path of Least Resistance by Fritz. Schwartznegger: Create a vision of who you want to be, and then live into that picture as if it were already true. Schwartznegger has certainly achieve the things he set his mind to achieve! It takes your hearts desire to act and use your energy for creation. Any reservations about where you are and where you want to be results in energy being wasted. You have to believe what you want is possible - really possible for you - and you deserve it - more than anyone else. But the key is you have to stretch your belief of what IS possible. If what you think is possible (in a limited sense) doesn't get your heart racing - then you need to expand that vision of what is possible. Make it so big that your heart is in it. Because if your heart isn't in it - your energy will be wasted in between your space of discontent and the limited view that doesn't spark a passion. The beauty of this is that you don't need to worry about how far it'll be until you get there, all you do is focus on the creation of the next act. And trust that the laws of physics will work in your favor: The path of least resistance will take care of the action steps to get there. All you have to do is trust, be patient, and continue moving ahead. Cut the clutter and don't look back. Ask yourself: Is this serving me - is this what the person I am becoming needs, wants, or would keep around? If the answer is no, then get rid of it, let it go and have no regrets. If it's need by the future you, it will resurface.
You only have 5 boxes:
There will never be a perfect time to begin. Accept that now. Life is always going to be full of ups and downs - you just have to adapt and overcome. The worse the timing is to begin something new - the better you'll get at it - the more that you have to adapt to - the more creative you will become. No matter what else is on your todo list, YOU have to be at the top. This is one of the secrets to happiness. It comes back to the WHY being so important. The Why has to be big enough to trump everything else going on in your life. It will never be the right time - trust me. You saying it's not the right time is simply your excuse of why what you say you want to do is not important. It's a clear indicator that the WHY isn't big enough, so stop fooling yourself! Setbacks are opportunities to learn. The bigger the setup, the more impactful the lesson! Get into motion before the conditions are ideal, and when the conditions are ideal, you'll really shine.
Write a letter from yourself of the future. TR makes this easy because I can create a journal dated entry ahead... that way when I arrive at today, I will have a letter from my future self waiting for me! Start 1 day out, then 1 week out, 1 month out - until you get 365 days out. How slick is that! The crux of this chapter is that we all have frames that we filter the world we experience through. Our frames are based on decisions about who we are, what we deserve, what we are capable of, etc... and everything that comes into our life is fit into these frames - it's the only way our brains can make sense of everything! The label we put on ourself, and the words we tell ourselves about the outcome is what dictates what happens. If you are worried about something not working out, you will be stuck in a rut - and your emotional brain (remember the 3 brains) will sabotage you because the assumption it has made - and because of it's primary motive to avoid pain! Starting today, start taking the advice from your higher self - a higher self that can only give you advice of a future to live into, not one that can change the past - nor one that will EVERY judge your past. It's easy. See the links to tomorrow (ie: https://kindle.typerighter.com/20130312)
We will never understand who we are, and why we do what we do based on who we are. Who we are is rooted in the past which isn't anything we can ever change. Instead, you must begin to act as the person you'd like to be - instead of mucking around with trying to find out why you are the way you are - or why you do the things you've done (as your past self). That goes back to the magic of #7 (imagine your future self) - who we are need not be determined by our past, but the future self we are determined to live into!
The key is not to ever ask WHY. When you ask Why, you engage the analytical part of your brain (left brain). It's a master a data gathering, sorting events, and a way to validate why things are why they are!
Instead, ask WHAT. This is a subtle, but powerful shift - it call on the right side of our brain - the right side that is future orientated (not past oriented like the left). The right side is energized by newness and creativity. It'll use imagination to create new possibilities for your future. It will point you down paths to fulfill on the vision it's created.
Here's how you do it: Ask 'What can I do to become more organized and in control?' instead of 'Why am I so disorganized?' There's no solution in the looking at the whys of the past, but rather the solution exists in the What's of the future. Know this: The right side loves questions, not statements. Stay open to answer your left (why) brain will question (why) - trust your right side will lead you down a path (and often that path won't be clear until you've travelled down it)! Because the right side is relational and metaphoric, keep in mind the path (the answers) may come via mediums like songs, images, and dreams with hidden meanings. Again, trust and go with it!
*Good example for me: Overwhelmed and drowning in opportunities... for an answer, shift to my future self, my right brain - by asking 'What would I have been glad to have completed at the end of today? What would give me peace of mind and allow me to sleep well knowing that I did the best I could with what I have? What value did I bring to the world (& the others who make it up) based on the best utilization of my abilities today?
When I am stuck on what to do next, ask what I can do to manifest creation, love, and play into my day - and into the day of others? This is the source of all contentment and fulfillment.
Shift your perspective and remember this: The amount of of money you earn is a direct proportion to the value you create!!!!!!!!
I've had an issue with money my whole life because of the fear of making others feel bad (having money somehow translates into making others (with less money) feel bad.
Instead, engage the right brain: What can I do to bring more value to my clients? What can I do to bring more value to the people I love?
This year I will... Believe in myself. The key self-confidence is belief. Create evidence by creating 'Islands of Competence' - things you are good at! Just look to your past successes:
Finished an Ironman
Created a 6 figure business
Graduated from College
Moved to Ft. Collins
Purchased our first home by age 30.
Moved back to SLO (twenty year goal?) Q: What strengths and skills did it take to achieve those goals?
Will & Determination
Discipline
Healthy Living
The key to the mental models of successful people are (growth oriented):
They love learning, they seek challenges and value effort, and they persist in the face of reasonable obstacles.
It's about seeing a problem as an opportunity to expand our ability - an opportunity to call on our higher self. Blowing it just means I haven't yet found a strategy that works, but that I'm one step closer to finding it because I just discovered one more things that doesn't work.
This chapter led to a deeper dive on the entire topic. Check out
https://kindle.typerighter.com/tension
Here's a summary:
Your purpose is to resolve tension in your life. It begins the moment we are born and will continue until we die. Tension is the gap between what you want and what you have. Or between where you are and where you want to be. The bigger the gap, the greater the level of tension. To resolve the tension, it's a matter of getting what you want or removing the want all together.
Getting what you want is simply a matter of closing the gap between what you have and what you want. The bigger the want, the wider the gap. The gap between where we are and where we want to be all depends on where we start. Where we finish doesn't change.
Q: It is really what you want or only what you think you want? If you don't really want it - let it go. But if you do - then commit now.
I believe it's small minority that truly know, with all their heart, exactly what they want. But these are the same people that we see achieve the greatest in our culture. Most of us are looking for someone to tell us what we want. Or we just aren't being clear to ourselves or others of what it is we want. It's much easier to blame them when we don't get what we want, if they told us what we want... isn't it?
But here's a bit of good news - you need only decide on two paths:
Commit to either do the things to get you closer to what you want, or bring the want closer to what you have (but never settle on what you don't want).
Remove the want all together and let it go.
As long as we are moving towards the resolution of what we want, then we should be content with our thoughts and actions. And accept that there will be others who don't hold the same wants for us as we do - that's just a new form of tension and part of the game of life. For the only thing we have to do is what we want to do. And what we want to do is rooted in the realization of a worthy goal.
Resolve to realize the worthy goal.
Resolve to close all the open cases in your life by:
Commit - and makes space for the actions that bring you closer to the result while at the same time, considering bring the result closer to what you have (in many cases, it's a matter of making the best use of what you have right now).
Let it go - stop beating yourself up - if your gut's not in it - let it go and focus on your Commits (A). the more you let go, the more space you'll have for the things that matter (A). I resolve today to not open any more cases until I resolve the ones that are open (& unresolved).