Success

Doing more of what you want and less of what you don't.

It's not a reflection of how much money you earn. If you are wealthy, but hate what you do, you are not successful by my definition of success.

If what you do allows you to do more of the things you enjoy, then you are successful.

As long as you are moving towards success, you are successful.

By redefining success, you can make everyday successful just by doing things that move you towards doing what you love.

Maybe you love finding out what you love. Discovering new aspects of life, previously unseen, is a love of mine. I also love discovering new things about myself. To find out what I can do. To find out what I can't. It's all in the name of exploration, and I am an explorer.

To discover my limits and expand the limits of others.

Part of my job is book marketing. Success is defined by the ranking of that book compared to other books in the same category. It would be unfair to compare the sales rank of a fiction book to a non-fiction book because they are totally different markets.

Likewise in our own livelihoods... we fall within a particular category. How you rank within your category is the only fair measure of success.

Integrity is living in alignment with your core values. To act in accordance with

Fear is what tends to knock us off course. Fear of conflict is a biggie for me personally. Not only am I a people pleaser, but I do everything I can to avoid conflict. Both of these are rooted in fear of not being included (a set of childhood experiences cemented this belief early in my life - I was left behind in an elevator when I was 3 years old. I recall not being picked for the dodgeball team on the elementary school playground because of my size.)

Look closely at your framework of expectations, actions, outcomes. The communities we gravitate towards will tend to be aligned with our values.

If your expectation of success is defined by the so-called 'good life' that marketers define by what requires wealth, you'll never be successful (no matter how much you have, the cycle of marketing is to convince you there's always something better to obtain).

In fact, for a time, although I was living the good life on the central coast by the standards of many - I suffered inside because a lack of fulfillment and unhappiness which were caused by a lack of expectations consistent with my circumstances.

Expectations is a biggie. It falls under the topic of one-sided agreements. Here's the trap we often fall into...

We expect life to be a struggle to succeed. When we do the work, we expect something in return. We can justify our means to the end. The end is what we feel we are entitled to. Marketers are the culprits for much unhappiness in our culture. If I were in charge of the world, I would put warning labels (like the ones on cigarettes vs pharmaceutical drugs) on advertising. Something to the effect: "Warning: The ad you are about to watch may cause feelings of unworthiness, elicit envy, and plant seeds of entitlement in your head."

It's the expectations set by others that we struggle to meet. Remove the expectations, you remove the struggle.

We must consider the mentors others have had when we look at their TER triangle:

Look at the TER triangle (Time, Expectations, Results).

Never let others define success for you. I just shared my definition of success. What's yours?