Danica Patrick, the most successful female race car driver in history started racing at age 10. She continually pushes the edge of possibility by stepping outside comfort zone. No doubt she was (and still is) faced with seemingly unsurmountable challenges and obstacles. It simply wasn't expected that a woman could compete at the highest levels in Nascar racing as she now does.
It’s the equivalent of breaking the 7 minute mile. Now that it’s been done, others will follow in her footsteps. Too often, being normal is what holds us back. Being normal limits us by complying with the 'norm' defined by others and society as a whole. Never let others define what's normal for for you.
Tune in to the feelings of discomfort, it’s a good indication you are breaking out of your comfort zone!
The path to greatness in any endeavor typically passes through 3 phases:
It was uncomfortable for Danica to compete in a male dominated sport. Throughout her rise to greatness, there’s no question she had to endure unbearable conditions - the mental and physical demands of being in a race car hours on end are no doubt unbearable. But the good news is on the other end of unbearable is unstoppable. She has since become an unstoppable force in car racing.
It's reasonable to throttle back and not push it too far. It's reasonable to give up when you face a seemingly unsurmountable obstacle. After all, if the obstacle stopped someone else, why shouldn't it also stop you? The greatest achievers in our lifetimes have overcome the obstacles that others would not. What's unreasonable is to push further than it’s been pushed before. Be unreasonable in the pursuit of your dreams and never let anyone's definition of normal define who you are or who you become.
Here are three key insights into someone who defines assertive better than most, Danica Patrick:
Two words that define who she is (in my view): Authentic and Assertive. She admitted she can be a bitch, but by her standards, being a bitch goes hand in hand with being aggressive, and she knows it's her aggressive nature that has gotten her to where she is. Assertive people often push the edge of aggressive. Assertive people aren’t befriended by passive people, but being assertive isn’t about being popular - it’s about getting what you want. Assertiveness and authenticity are close cousins. Danica doesn’t hold back on speaking her mind and sharing her opinions. The surest way become more likable, even when overly aggressive is to be authentic. It’s a rare trait in the world today, and because of that, it’s highly valued.
The 'no role model' concept stemmed from the question asked: 'Who were your role models growing up?' She went on to explain that because she desired to be better than anyone else, there was no one else who could be her role model. How could there be? If you want to be better than anyone else at something, by definition, no one else is already doing it, so how could you have a role model for someone who doesn't exist yet? It's a truly empowering idea - a self-confident booster and will give you greater self esteem if you truly live it. When you want to be better than everyone else, the only role model you need is yourself. It’s a safer bet no doubt, since often times when we finally do meet our hero’s, they rarely live up to the ideal we have in our mind.
When it comes to living a life you love, you need to be apply the 3As: Be Aggressive, Be Assertive, and Be Authentic (AAA).
Do what you love. Don't seek role models. Be your best self, better than anyone else. Never compare yourself to others, because your single focus is to become the best you, and there’s only one you. Be aggressive. Don't let anyone else (society) define who you are. Don’t let the need to be ‘likable’ overshadow the need to be assertive in getting what you want.
You are free to be whoever you want to be. Know what you want and aim high. Be focused on a goal and you'll do whatever it takes if you truly love it.
Learn from your mistakes, and you will get better everyday.
You can't fake authenticity.
Discover what makes you happy and do that. Build a life that allows you to do more of the things that make you happy. Spend more time with the things you enjoy, and less time with the things you don't. This is the secret to a successful (happy) life.
Suffering in a life you don't enjoy is optional. But to avoid doing less of the things you don't enjoy, you need to become more assertive.
Ask 100% of what you want from 100% of the people in your life 100% of the time.
The opposite of assertive is passive. Passive is giving in to fear. Passive is giving away your power. Passive is the path to despair.
Identify the assertive people in your life. They may in fact be the people you don't like. This is because there is a fine line you'll always dance between assertive and aggressive behavior. These are often people we don't initially care for! Those of us who tend to be passive are turned off by those who are overly assertive. Meaning they assert themselves into our lives.. far more than we want!
Consider that you are jealous or envious of those who are being assertive because they are getting what you want.
Thank them for providing evidence that it can be done and follow in their footsteps.
First off; she started racing at age 10. I have to imagine although it was fun for her, there was that initial phase of uncomfortable which accompanies the act of actually stepping outside your comfort zone. After a time, I have no doubt she was faced with some real challenges, obstacles. It simply wasn't the norm for a woman to compete at the highest levels in Nascar racing as she was doing... and the key word is 'normal.' Often times, being normal is what holds us back. Being normal means complying with the 'norm' defined by others. We should never let others define what's normal for us. Tune in to the feelings of discomfort - it means you are breaking beyond your comfort zone!
This is where the act of being unreasonable comes to play. It's reasonable to throttle back and not push it too far. It's reasonable to give up when you face a seemingly unsurmountable obstacle. After all, if the obstacle stopped someone else, why shouldn't it also stop you? The greatest achievers in our lifetimes have overcome the obstacles that others could not. What's not reasonable is to push it further than others would. Be unreasonable in the pursuit of your dreams and never let anyone's definition of normal define who you are (or how far you'll go).
Three of the most impactful insights was left with after Danica's talk (which was really just a Q&A with college students) was this:
Two words that define who she is: Authentic and Aggressive. She admitted she can be a bitch - but by her standards, being a bitch goes hand in hand with being aggressive, and she knows it's her aggressive nature that has gotten her to where she is. After the talk, everyone was talking about how authentic her talk was. She didn't hold back and that's the beauty of a Q&A format when the person being interviewed has no clue what questions are coming next. Her talk with us dramatically improved the moment the CIO stopped asking her the 'canned' questions she had probably been prepped for. The moment the Q&A was handed over to the audience, Danica had no choice but to be authentic in her answers. This is when she truly came alive. I feel that one of the keys to living fully is to simply be authentic. When we aren't being authentic, a large part of us isn't alive, and others can see this. Perhaps this is why we admire authenticity when we see it (btw: it's not the norm to be authentic, is it?)
No role models. This was a surprise to most everyone in the room. In fact, one student really challenged her on it, and eventually succumbed to rephrasing the question to 'Who were your mentors.' Danica was joined by the CIO of GoDaddy (another accomplished woman) who agreed with this concept. When two people agree on once concept, the concept is far more believable, isn't it? I think this it he value of having a panel as opposed to a single speaker. The 'no role model' concept stemmed from the question asked: 'Who were your role models growing up?' She went on to explain that because she desired to be better than anyone else, there was no one else who could be her role model. How could there be? If you want to be better than anyone else at something, by definition, no one else is already doing it, so how could you have a role model for someone who doesn't exist yet? It's a truly empowering idea - a self-confident booster and will give you greater self esteem if you truly live it. When you want to be better than everyone else, the only role model you need is yourself.
Fake it until you make it. I've heard this before from different people in different ways, but she explained it in such a way that the idea took on new meaning. Shortly after Danica's talk, I read the same thing shared by Meghan Trainor. I will be expanding on this concept in a future chapter because I feel it's worth revisiting in depth. I believe it's one of the keys to high self confidence and self esteem - which is a common trait in successful people. I'm likely going to refer to it as 'The Danica Effect.' A key concept to grasp is perception is everything. An aspect of who we are may in fact be the perception that others have us. In fact, I believe others can see things in us we miss ourselves. We miss these aspects because we can't see them from our viewpoint. Our view point of who we are isn't accurate because it's not typically aligned to how we show up for others, or is it? And while perception is everything, it's also fatally flawed because we ca have all the artifacts to justify a true view of someone. Do you really know anyone?