The doctor said "Keep doing what you're doing." My blood results were excellent. I was outside the normal ranges for LDL and HDL, to the extent I was better than the norm.
It finally occurred to me during my visit that there's nothing wrong. It's all mental. My health is good. We live in an amazing low-stress community (many of us who live here now call 'the bubble'). We have the best weather anywhere. People come to vacation where we live. I have an office in downtown SLO. I am content in my work and have earned the respect of many. I have all the things present in my life that I truly love: Yoga, Ukulele, Meditation, Writing, and Friends*.
Sidebar: Friends are those who we can openly authentically communicate to without being judged, ridiculed, or criticized. Those who see us for who we are being in the moment, not who we may have been. True friends do not feel inferior or superior each another. I'm no better than you, you're no better than me, but we're both better than we used to be because of each other. Friends give honest feedback without being condescending. Friends validate how we show up (or fail to) in the world and give honest feedback when necessary. When you are among your true friends, your true nature shines. True friends can see the soul that exists beyond your being.
Knowing there's nothing wrong is an incredible relief. To know nothing is wrong is to know the truth. We reclaim energy that previously wasted on worry, fear, and uncertainty. The only thing certain is uncertainty because that's how life works.
When you reclaim this energy, you get to assert it elsewhere in your life (like reading this piece).
Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a modern day phenomenon . From a young age, this has a recurring theme. It's been the illusionary 'hole' I've fallen into time and time again from a story I've been telling subconsciously for most of my life. Because of my tendency to feel left out, not being picked… It's valuable for me to see how many of us can be unknowingly hypersensitive to what we see in our social media streams.
The story began like this:
On the playground, we stood a line. Team captains alternated picking players for their team. Time and time again, I was one of the last ones picked. Each time, I dreaded the 'line up' where team captains chose players. Why wasn't I ever a team captain? As a result of the discomfort, I spent my life trying to avoid being put into the situation again. I was hypersensitive to not being picked. Since then, it's been taken out of context to morph into false analogies many other circumstances… namely, not being picked for 'the team' and being left out. Keep in mind that I have 3 brothers and there were many situations were we could not all be picked.
Now that I see how this 'story' has been perpetuated unnecessarily in my life, I am free. I laugh at all the times I see myself being caught in the story over and over again. Now that I see it, it no longer has power over me.
So much of my life has been fighting to avoid 'being left out.' It's amazing to me how easily the switch is turned on.
A dear friend unknowingly 'pushed my buttons' when she compared those with 'jobs' to those with 'careers.' I discerned that those on the 'career' side had been picked for the team. Those on the 'job' side had not.
Whether to not she had any intention to include me in one group or the other wasn't the point. My interpretation in that moment was that I did not have a career (as she did) and it snowballed into feelings of low self worth due to poor decisions I made (amplified by some recent struggles in my business). I took the opportunity to defend all 'us' who were not chosen to be on the 'team' of life and called her out on it. In doing so created an unnecessary wedge between us that I have since healed (I hope).
The opinions we hold for one another go both ways. I may feel inferior to you, and when I do, I am judging you for the superiority label. Likewise, when we feel superior over another, we are judging them for the inferior regard we hold for them.
It's no wonder why I enjoy the groups I am now actively engaged with: yoga, ukulele, and writing. They are groups that have 'picked me,' and where I feel I belong.
I know I'm not alone. Everyone has stories just like this that unknowingly guide their experience of life, influence their behavior, reactions, and create little dramas in their own minds as well!
Sidebar (new topic)
Another interesting related idea worth exploring is group dynamics.
What happens someone new enters the group? Do they need a sponsor? Is everyone vetted in one way or another? Why does it matter who brings you into the group?
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